Severe Penalty For Early Withdrawal
by CraftyNotepad
Summary: I think what Pickford needs is a little excitement.


Disclaimer: I don't own Phil of the Future.

Severe Penalty For Early Withdrawal

Lefty fingered the safe's dial until the next tumbler fell into place. Even with the thermal vision, this was delicate work, thus slow work, and Mugsy was the nervous type. This was stupid, robbing a bank's safe in broad daylight, customers and employees tucked behind the tellers' counter while his partner held a gun on every one. Sure, the door was locked, but the holiday was yesterday - more people were going to come in. It was because of these thoughts that Lefty was sweatin' bullets, even as the last tumbler resounded with a celebratory "CLIck" as it was at last seat.

Mugsy let loose a warning, "None of youse mugs get any ideas. I'm just going to stretch muh legs, and I'll be right over dere. So don't do nuthin' heroic-like, like makin' a break for it or pressin' a silent alarm - if youse wants to have a head to rest your hat upon."

"But I have to go to the bathroom," 'Neckbrace' Lana Newman begged.

"Nobody's stoppin' ya. Just don't move, unless it's to be polite and cross your gams."

"Think of dry places," suggested the curly blonde fellow reporter next to her. "The Sahara, the Gobi, Mr. Messerschmitt's sense of humor."

Lana started to smile, then scolded Keely, "Don't make me laugh."

"Helping. Just trying to relieve the tension."

"Don't say 'relieve', ether."

"HEY! STOP YAPPIN'!" ordered Mugsy from the other side of the counter, already on his way to check on his cohort's lack of progress. "Well?"

"Done," announced Lefty (who was actually right-handed) as he pulled the vault's heavy door open. There were many dreams they had about what would be there for the taking inside: stacks of cash, security bonds, jewelry, silver and gold, maybe even, but not once did they imagine Phil Diffy there eating a pizza, chewing and offering the two of them a slice.

As Mugsy stepped forward, hand outstretched to accept Phil's generous offer, Lefty slapped the back of his head. What was he thinkin'? Why, if he wasn't married to his sister ...

Phil took a sip of his soda, slammed the can upon the small counting table that was serving as his own personal picnic table, then shared, "Delicious. Really, there's plenty."

"Get Up!" Mugsy asserted, as much to intimidate Phil as to get back in his brother-in-law's good graces again, then used his revolver to motion Phil to move back to the safety deposit boxes as they circled to the other side, pizza box between the two of them. All three of them were surprised when Keely stepped into the vault's entry way.

"Oh, jeez ... Phil, what are you doing here?"

"Having lunch. How about you?"

"No, I'm good; OH, you mean me-here-why? Lana and I were depositing the fundraiser proceeds from the ketchup dunking tank."

Lefty really didn't care about any of that penny-ante stuff, but he did work hard opening this safe and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out how a kid got inside a bank vault with a pizza. It's not like this was a designated picnic area, now was it? Mugsy, was still motioning Phil toward the door to get with the rest of the hostages when Lefty told Phil to stop.

"How'd you, where'd you come from?"

Keely sighed heavily, "Better sit down, Guys. This could take a while." Phil shot her a shocked look, then smiled, realizing that she'd always keep his secret.

"Better question is 'Are you ready to surrender?'"

"Kid, wees gots the gun. Whats you got, meybe one of dem Swiss Army knives?"

"Hey, I may be from the - well, anyway, even I know not to bring a knife to a gun fight."

"So you brought a pizza?" whispered Keely nervously, really hoping people in the 22nd Century understood that little bullets leave big holes.

"No, I brought something better," whispered back Phil as he backed Keely out of the vault.

"Ize heard dat. What you got, Kid?"

"A movable orifice cover."

"A what?"

"Keely, what are do you call them in this century again?"

Now, his girlfriend may have been blonde, but she understood those big words just fine, in fact, she leaned on the bank vault's door in perfect synchronicity with Phil, forcing it closed before the two mugs could get around the table to stop them. Phil pushed the lever back in place and as Keely spun the combination dial. Relieved, they smiled as they leaned against the locked door.

"Why didn't you just, you know?"

"With all the hidden cameras in a bank, plus witnesses? Hey, everybody! It's okay to come out now." Phil pulled out a pocket video camera with one hand and held up three fingers on his other, "And we're recording in three, two, ..." and he cued Keely.

"Hello, I'm Keely Teslow, and this is a special report from the lobby of the Pickford Savings & Loan, where today a pair of would-be bank robbers attempted a daring daylight theft behind this very door. Uh, it's a big steel door with heavy duty hinges, and ... Phil, this isn't very exciting. All we're doing is shooting a closed safe. We need energy, we need drama, we gotta have action!"

"Uh-oh!" was all the two of them heard as Lana dived over the nearest teller window, blank deposit slips erupting past her in a flurry, and she then recovered to sprint to the bathroom. Keely and Phil just watched dumbfounded.

"Yeah. Um, like that."

"Face it, Keels. Nothing exciting ever happens in Pickford."


End file.
